Chatter

Recently I've stepped out of my comfort zone of purposeful ignorance and actually been taking a lot of time to reflect on my own. Unusual, very, but I think I came to the conclusion that it was time to sort out what it was exactly that I wanted out of my life.

I think it started near my birthday when I went "Girl, you're 23 and there are people way more successful and not stagnant like you."

Realistically there wasn't much I could do about my job, about my success, about where I'm living.

Two things came of the thinking.

1. I want to start my own side business for design and photography. That way for weddings, or anything else, there can be packages which include both aspects (invite, program design and photos) or buying one or the other. I can do websites too. I think it's sweet and a good way to have some side income.

2. There is one person who means more than anything else to me and just when I got to the point of telling them that, BANG, relationship. Really, it wasn't a NEW thought it was just a new thought in terms of "holy shit I should get on this."

So what I learned is that, while I may wait forever for someone, someone won't always wait for me. Hardest lesson to learn lately.

So heartbreak, throwing myself into my work and forgetting that anyone else exists. I want to pick up tattooing, I want a new tattoo, I want to be successful and make a name for myself. And I guess that's all I can want right now. Nothing else will change.

Thanks Chuck.

“

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

”

- Chuck Klosterman

Following the Tracks

I followed where the tracks lead.

And I found myself.

But instead of what I hoped I'd find, I was met with something cold and almost lifeless. Vacant eyes registering where I moved.

I couldn't look away. I wanted to head back the way I came.

Instead, it pulled me in.

The cold was overpowering. Too tired to pull away, I accepted it.

And waited.